Facing Your Fears
by bsgroxmysox
Summary: After a tough case Cal needs to talk to someone. Who does he turn to and what will happen when he's called to participate further in the case?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! A new multi-chap story from me. I've abandoned The Unexpected Visitor for the moment cos I had no idea where to go with it. This one is all planned out though and I know what I'm doing with this one :D Again thanks to wallygreengiant for the beta and the title ;)**

**Hope everyone enjoys this new story! **

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The water splashed across Cal's face, dripping down from the small stubble and splashing into the sink. His hands caught one more palm-full of water, wetting his face once more, before clutching onto the sink, holding on for dear life and praying for the thunderous racket consuming his mind to end. Too many thoughts were jumbled together, trying to vie for his attention, making him grip the sink tighter to stop himself from falling apart. One voice overpowered the others as he heard the words that chilled him to his core repeated over and over.

_You have a daughter, don't you Dr. Lightman?_

The sneer could be heard in his voice, you didn't have to be Foster to hear that. All thoughts now turned to the owner of that sneer, sending a shiver through Cal. In all the cases he had worked he had only met a handful of men like Aaron Clarkson; good looking, successful, egotistical, and a complete psychopath.

He shouldn't let it get to him, after everything he had been through since they had started the Lightman Group and even before at the CIA, he should be able to separate himself from his cases. This time was different though. He felt sick to his stomach as Clarkson's taunts floated around his head.

A headache began to form, thumping loudly against his temples. The thumping got louder and louder until Cal realised it wasn't in his head, someone was banging on the door to the bathroom. Two guesses as to who it is, Cal thought, smiling as Gillian Foster's worried voice wafted in through the closed door.

"Cal? Cal, are you ok in there?"

Despite the inner turmoil that was raging within him he managed to convince her that he was ok, or at least he thought he had. He was shocked when a few minutes later when the door flung open and Gillian barged in, locking it behind her.

She stopped short when she noticed his struggle and calmly reached a hand towards him, laying it on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. When he didn't protest she wrapped both arms around his waist, pressing herself flush against his back and resting her head on his shoulder where her hand had been only seconds before.

Comfort wasn't what he wanted, the anger and fear in him causing a hostile response, but this was what he needed. Trust Foster to know exactly what he required after a case like this, he thought wryly. Soon he found the embrace wasn't enough and spun quickly in her arms before wrapping his own arms around her and burying his face in her neck, breathing in her scent.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He mumbled no into her neck causing her to giggle as his breath tickled her. Finally they broke apart, Cal trying to avoid eye contact and Gillian trying her best to read him.

"You're not gonna read anything here, Foster."

She released an exasperated sigh, her shoulders slumping forward in obvious defeat but she still offered him a small smile which he returned gladly.

"Whatever it is, Cal, you should talk about it. It's not healthy to keep it all bottled up inside."

"I know, luv. Don't worry bout me though, I know just who to talk to."

He hurried past her, trying hard to ignore the micro-expression of sadness that flashed across her face at his words.

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**Please review, I'd love to know what you think of this new one!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews guys! :D**

**So this chapter isn't as long as I'd hoped (please don't hurt me) but I'm trying to set up the rest of the story so I'll try and make the next one a bit longer. Thanks again to wallygreengiant for her help. She really is the best and probably deserves a medal ;) Enjoy!**

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The college dorm was littered with kids either lazily milling about or hastily running through the corridors. There was no in-between for the youth of today; either their current appointment was the most important thing in the world and they couldn't get there fast enough, or they had the rest of their lives to get there and could take their sweet time.

Cal made his way through the throngs that lined the corridors, ignoring the strange looks and calls of 'Hey Grandpa!' that he received. He paused momentarily outside room 42, fist raised in the air as he re-thought about his idea to come here. Foster was right though, he needed to talk to someone and he couldn't think of anywhere else to go. With that his fist made contact with the wood, giving three short raps on the door.

There was a flurry of movement and some choice curse words as he heard a loud clang before the door was yanked open. Before him stood a smiling 25 year old, raven hair pulled back into a messy bun and pieces falling around her face, she wore a cream t-shirt and dark jeans and her feet were bare. A smile lit up her face after a millisecond of shock and she welcomed him warmly.

"Dr. Lightman! What a nice surprise, come in."

She ushered him inside, grabbing clothes off every surface in the room and throwing them into an open closet in the corner. He took his time surveying the room and comparing it with the room of his teenage daughter at home: they were eerily similar.

"Sorry about the mess, I wasn't expecting company."

"Oh don't worry about it, I kind of popped by didn't I?"

Cal noticed the volume of books that were scattered around the room, several of which he had written. The closest one to him was a detailed guide of Virtual Reality for Post-Traumatic Stress. He smiled as he glanced the picture of Foster on inside cover of that one. Tearing his gaze away from Foster's book he saw that the young woman was watching him with an amused smile.

Kate Alexander had joined the Lightman Group as an intern 6 years ago and straight away her talent was evident. She wasn't a natural like Ria but she was a very smart girl and an extremely fast learner. Foster had taken to her right away and you could almost say Kate was her protégé. She had shadowed Foster like Ria now shadowed Cal and it was during her time there that her love for psychology developed and now here she was in her first year studying for her PhD.

"We just finished up a tough case."

"Ya, I heard about it on the news. Good job."

She smiled and sat down on the bed, throwing her legs under her as she did, and gestured for Cal to take a seat. He flopped into the nearest one at her desk, glancing at her notes on clinical psychology that sat open under the lamp.

"Ya so it wasn't a nice case, really bad guy we had to deal with and it just...it just...it just got to me."

She frowned at his inarticulateness and sat forward, encouraging him to continue. He sighed and rubbed a hand across his face, clearly frustrated.

"Well I don't like talking to psychiatrists, the only person good enough at that kind of thing is Foster and she's...she's too close to this. So I figure, you're mini-Foster so you'd be the next best thing. I was hoping I could...talk to you about things, like this case. Just why it bothered me and that kind of thing."

He finished by grinning at her. With his request out of the way his confidence had returned and he began to twirl slightly on the chair. His grin increased as he watched her struggle to comprehend what he meant and then, once understanding had settled, struggle to find the right words to express what she was feeling.

"Dr. Lightman...I don't...I'm still in college. You want to talk to a psychology student instead of a trained psychiatrist?"

"Exactly. Horribly overpriced, psychiatrists are, and you live in a one bedroom dorm that is smaller than my office so I'm guessing you'll accept minimum wage for this. And don't forget who you shadowed for the 2 years you worked at the Lightman Group, you were trained by the best."

Kate stood from the bed and began pacing the length of the room, which was only 2 strides because of how small the room was. She pushed the wayward pieces of hair back from her face and spun to face Cal once more.

"I don't understand Dr. Lightman."

Cal rolled his eyes and reached for the notebook on the desk, he grabbed the glasses sitting on top at the same time and pressed them into her hands before pushing her into a seat on the bed once more.

"Look, I'm gonna talk and you're gonna make some notes here and help me discover, out of all the cases I've worked, why this one is affecting me so much. Got it?"

He waited for her to nod before once more sitting back against the desk and staring at her. She placed the glasses on the bridge of her nose, reached for a pen that was on the locker beside the bed and placed the tip on the page.

"You're a strange man, Dr. Lightman."

She smiled as she spoke and he took this as a sign that he could start talking. Problem was he didn't know where to start. He didn't usually talk about this kind of thing and he couldn't find the right words to begin to describe what had happened.

"Right, well we're gonna take this slow, ok? I'll start with something easy: home life. Nothing exciting there. Emily got her driving license recently, of course that was after she crashed my car so that license won't be used for a while."

Kate scribbled furiously as he spoke, every now and then asking questions and once holding her hand up in order to stop him as her hand caught up with his mouth. After an hour of Cal talking about his home life and his day to day run-ins with the Group's employees, Kate's hand began to cramp from writing.

"Dr. Lightman, I have class in half an hour, can we continue this another time?"

"Absolutely, same time tomorrow? I'll bring lunch and maybe a clothes hanger or two, how can you live with the entire contents of your wardrobe scattered over the room?"

"Have you seen the room? I can barely fit the bed and desk in here so it doesn't take that long to find anything."

Cal laughed as he stood up and grasped the door handle. He watched as Kate gathered books and shoved them unceremoniously into a bag, her glasses hanging crookedly off the edge of her nose. It struck him as odd that this young woman who was in every way the same as Foster professionally, was so unlike her in every other way. Where Foster exuded grace and elegance, Kate was unorganised and messy; but he wouldn't trust anyone else with this.

With a final farewell called over his shoulder he made his way out of the room and back into the dangerous youth cluttered hallway.

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**So the Cal/Gillian stuff will be coming up later, anyone who knows me knows how much I love the Callian fluff!**

**Till then please review and let me know what you think :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Many thanks to those who have reviewed! Getting into the crux of the story now so hope you enjoy the longer chaps :D**

**P.S: Thanks wally! Still love ya!**

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"Right there."

"I still don't see it."

Cal flipped the remote to his left hand, hitting the freeze button on the exact frame he had seen the fear being displayed. Gillian's face broke into a smile and she shook her head in incredulity.

"You continue to amaze me, how did you spot that?"

He didn't reply, simply wiggled his eyebrows in her direction and smiled back at her. The open file in her hand shut and she threw it onto his desk, walked over to an empty chair, and slumped into it. Methodically she began to massage her temples, kneading the flesh gently with her fingertips.

With her eyes closed Cal took the time to study the woman in front of him. Again he felt compelled to make comparisons between her and the young woman who was currently helping him with his psychological problems. Even now at close to midnight when she was clearly exhausted from a long day and a stressful case, Gillian held herself with such refinement and poise.

Kate, physically, had more in common with him. Both usually sat slouched in the chair, almost to the point of sliding off the seat, neither cared much about appearance, often Cal grabbed the first shirt and trousers he could find in the wardrobe only to arrive into work and find Gillian impeccably put together in yet another stunning outfit.

Kate had confessed to him once that she envied Foster's wardrobe almost as much as she envied her brilliant mind. It was very difficult to imagine the messy college student in Foster's current figure hugging ensemble. That's probably because it was hard to think of anything when looking at Foster in that dress. The tight material accentuated her curves and the dip of the neckline showing just a minor hint of cleavage.

Cal had to force himself to lift his gaze from said cleavage and looked up to see her smiling knowingly at him, her eyes dancing with merriment. He'd been caught red-handed. Chuckling he stood and made his way over towards her.

"Got bored of staring, Dr. Lightman?"

"I'll never be bored of staring, Dr. Foster."

He revelled in her laugh, their constant flirtatious banter always a pleasure and usually his favourite part of the day. He leaned against the desk in front of her, waiting for whatever it was she wanted to say. He cocked an eyebrow and watched as she sighed, knowing he had read her true intentions for coming in here.

"I just wanted to see if you were ok?"

"I am more than ok, luv, some parts of me are bloody brilliant."

His attempt at humour fell on deaf ears and she just continued to stare at him with that same adorable and caring gaze, it was very..._Foster_.

"I'm fine, Foster. It was a tough case for all of us."

The second the words left his mouth he was transported back to the cube only days before. His mind replaying exactly what happened at the conclusion of that particular case.

"_So you can read people's faces, Dr. Lightman?"_

_Cal stared back, unblinking and trying his hardest on keeping a neutral face. Clarkson smiled, the kind of creepy smile reserved for truly evil men, as he leaned back in his seat and regarded Cal._

"_You know, I may not be an expert like yourself but I sure can spot when someone is afraid. And you, Dr. Lightman, are __**petrified**__."_

_Cal broke eye contact, unable to look at the crystal blue eyes boring into him anymore. He focused on a spot on the floor, a coffee stain or it could be a Foster related chocolate stain he figured. The sound of cruel laughter assaulted his ears but he was resilient in his staring competition with the mysterious stain. _

"_Why'd you do it? They were just teenagers." _

_Cal's voice was strong and unwavering, not betraying his emotions but judging by the way Foster shifted in her seat beside him, she knew how uncomfortable he was. Clarkson sighed and used his fist to prop up his chin, glaring at his interviewers. He waited until Cal stared at him once more before replying._

"_You have a daughter, don't you Dr. Lightman?"_

_For a moment time stood still. He heard Gillian gasp beside him but all he could focus on was the cold stare of the psychopath in front of him, grimacing at the smirk that played across his lips. Cal breathing increased as he fought for a response._

"_She's the same age as some of these girls. Is that what's bothering you? Emily is beautiful, Dr. Lightman." _

_In contrast to his previous reaction, time sped up dramatically for Cal now. One minute he was sitting listening to this guy's crazy ramblings and the next minute he was across the table, hands clamped around Clarkson's neck, as they fell to the floor in a tangled heap. _

"_Cal! Cal, stop. Listen to me, STOP!"_

_Gillian's screams were registered in some dark corners of his mind but he couldn't concentrate on anything other than squeezing the life out of the maniac writhing beneath him. It took Reynolds and two uniforms to get him away and they dragged him from the cube towards his office. He was vaguely aware of screaming but it wasn't until the office door closed behind Foster that he realised the screaming was coming from him._

_The two uniforms forced him into a chair before running out and checking on their suspect still gasping for air in the cube. Reynolds guarded the door, preventing Cal from making any quick escape attempts to finish what he started, while Gillian tried to calm him down. She ran her hands along his shoulders and arms, every now and then brushing his hair back from his face, and murmuring comforting words into his ear. He wanted to stay mad, wanted to keep the rage built up in him and use it to beat the man in the cube to a pulp, but Gillian's methods were working and he could feel himself calming, if only slightly._

"_We're going take him into custody now."_

_Reynolds spoke from where he was still protecting the exit, glancing at Gillian to check it was ok to leave her alone with a very emotional Lightman. At her nod of approval he chanced a quick look at Cal before quickly leaving the office to see to Clarkson's arrest. When he had left and it was just the two of them Gillian bent down, aligning her face to face with Cal. It was only then that she noticed the tears silently flowing down his face._

"_Oh Cal!"_

_Her voice was tight as she tried to contain her emotions at seeing her best friend this affected. Gently she wiped at the tears with her palm, cupping his cheek when it was dry. The softness of her hand against his rough stubble woke Cal from his trance and their gazes locked. He leaned forward, one hand grasping the back of her head as he placed a kiss against her cheek and whispered a thank you into her ear. She nodded in response and went to wrap his arms around him, only stopping when he stood up and moved away from her. _

_He quickly left the office, hurrying along the corridor to his destination. Just as his hand clasped the door handle he heard footsteps and Reynolds distinct voice reading Clarkson's Miranda Rights. There was a large group leading the arrested man outside but he paused as he saw Cal at the other end of the hallway. He grinned once more before being yanked by the handcuffs out the door._

_Cal thrust the bathroom door open and rushed into an empty stall, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. He waited until the nausea had passed before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and flushing. Finally he made it to the sink, and ran the tap. He stuck his hands under the cool liquid and splashed the water over his face._

"Cal? Cal, are you ok?"

He jumped away from his perch on the desk, blushing after being caught daydreaming in front of her. Although the word "dreaming" didn't belong anywhere near that particular memory. He shivered but tried to brush it off for Gillian's sake.

"Fine, Foster. Just like I told you: I'm fine. You should go home, get some sleep. Think I'll do the same."

He managed a quick smile at her before catching his coat from where it sat on his desk and sprinting out of his office. Not his most elegant exit but he knew she wouldn't push him on his avoidance: yet.

X

Arriving home he was surprised to see lights on in the living room, surely Emily wasn't still awake? He strode into the house intent on confronting his daughter for being up so late on a school night but instead, as he made his way into the living room, was met with a his teenage daughter curled up on the couch sound asleep.

For the first time in days he managed a genuine smile, comforted in watching her sleep peacefully. He sat at the edge of the couch, careful not to jostle the cushions and wake her, and moved some hair out of her face. It struck him how much like her mother she looked at the moment. The protective nature in him ignited once more and he had to fight to control his emotions, balling his hands into fists at his side.

"Dad?"

Cal had been concentrating so hard on his control, that he hadn't noticed his daughter stir and awaken. She rubbed her eyes, trying hard to re-join the land of the conscious.

"Hey luv, you shouldn't be sleeping on the couch. I'm sorry I was so late at work."

"S'ok. How's Gillian?"

Cal chuckled at her question, wondering what it must look like for a 16 year old to see her father working so closely with a woman like Foster, or even on the occasions when they interacted socially with no work involved. Thoughts of Gillian brought with them thoughts of Clarkson and once more Cal found the angry protective father in him fighting with his calm self.

"She's good. Same ol' Foster, y'know."

"I don't think she'd appreciate being referred to as 'ol' Foster'."

He scrunched up his face in disdain as she tried to copy his accent which caused her to laugh. He swatted an arm at her but she dodged his attack and managed to roll off the couch and to a safe distance away from him. He was suitably impressed by her agility, she would be considerably capable of handling any boy stupid enough to try anything inappropriate with her, that is of course before Cal killed him for attempting any such acts.

"Foster loves how I talk about her. I have that affect on women."

"Ha! Denial much, Dad? Sometimes I don't know why she puts up with you day-in and day-out."

"Neither do I, to be honest, she's a bit of a mystery like that. How was school today?"

"Fine."

He loved how articulate she was. She could voice her opinions quite eloquently when she wanted something but when it came to asking about her education and how she was setting herself up for her future, he got a simple 'Fine' as reply. Teenagers.

"Where were you at lunch?"

"Hmmm?"

"I called into the office at lunch and you weren't there."

"I was out visiting a friend, that's all."

"Anyone I know?"

"Alright time for bed, you've got school in the morning."

He hoped she didn't notice the obvious change of subject, he just wasn't ready to tell her about his problems yet. He pushed himself up from the couch, groaning as he heard his knee crack when he stood. Emily didn't even bother to stifle her giggles at seeing him wince in his attempt to stand up.

"Now who's old?"

She dodged his assault attempt once more as she darted for the stairs, laughing the entire way to her bedroom.

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**Please, please, please review! I like hearing what you think of the story :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! Usually I reply personally but got a little busy lately - I'll try to do that more often after this chapt. Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up - still not 100% sure about it but anyway. With this out of the way Foster cuteness will be coming soon :D**

**And a big shout out to wallygreengiant for reading this even while she's on holidays! *am not jealous, am not jealous***

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"...well Loker was asking for it really, I mean why would someone put forward a presentation like that if-"

"Dr. Lightman!"

Cal's story was interrupted by the flustered young woman sitting in front of him. She had acquired another chair for her room, despite the lack of space for it, and was currently sitting in it, with her feet stretched out and resting on the foot of her bed. Cal had the desk chair once more and sat facing her, although he spent most of the time staring past her and out the window behind her.

"What?"

"This is your third day here and so far all you've talked about is how annoying your staff can be. And seeing as I used to be one of those people, it makes me worry about what you say about me."

"I'd never say anything bad about you. Foster would kill me if I did."

He watched her face light up at the mention of Foster, or more so, the mention of Foster's fondness for her. Their relationship always interested him, considering his own strenuous relationships with his protégé's. They never had any problems working together, both understood how the other operated and worked to compliment that work ethic. The only people who worked better together were Gillian and him.

"Alright, you want the full story. I've put it off long enough. So a few days ago Reynolds brought us a new case..."

_Cal was testing himself again, seeing if he could read the facial expression that flashed by at 1/15 of a second. He was so absorbed in his work he didn't notice Gillian watching him from the doorway, at least not until she cleared her throat and made her presence known._

"_I somehow think you've got that covered, Cal."_

"_Practice makes perfect, luv."_

_She rolled her eyes and strolled into the room as he went back to practicing. Taking a seat near him she seemed content to just watch him work, giggling when he covered his eyes with his hand and blindly began to push buttons in an attempt to make her laugh. Their shared mirth was interrupted by a knock on the door and Agent Ben Reynolds entreating on their fun. He held up a manila folder as he spoke._

"_Got a new case for you."_

_The grim expression on the F.B.I agent's face stripped whatever sliver of merriment was left in the room, leaving the occupants with a feeling of dread buried deep in their stomachs. Both Cal and Gillian followed Reynolds silently as he made his way to Cal's office, each wondering what was so bad it had Ben so wound up. Foster was the one who claimed the file from him and began reading, while Cal preferred to sit back and listen to Reynolds as he explained their new case._

"_Two girls, aged 14 and 16, went missing a month ago. Their bodies were found last week, same cause of death and both were found in a relatively public place. Just got a call that another girl is missing, this one aged 16 as well, we're afraid we may have a serial killer on our hands."_

_As Reynolds had been talking Cal had seen Foster get paler and paler, she was clearly shook by the contents of the file which described the two teenagers murders. He watched as she closed her eyes and drew a deep breath in an effort to calm herself. _

"_Foster?"_

_She shook her head at Cal and shot him a look that said they could discuss it later. For now, she needed to concentrate on the information and she waved her hand at Reynolds to continue. _

"_So far we can't find a connection to the three girls, we've no idea how he found them."_

"_Christ Reynolds, do we know anything?"_

_Reynolds scowled at Cal but hung his head, clearly distressed that they had nothing else to go on. Cal's mind was working a mile a minute on different scenarios as Foster began to ask her own questions to Reynolds. They needed to start their investigation immediately and seeing as they had no leads, there was only one place to start. _

"_We need to talk to the parents."_

X

_Daniela and Paulo Moretti sat clutching each other's hands, tear marks staining their olive skinned cheeks. The Moretti's had moved to the States in the late 70's from Italy, setting up home in L.A, only moving to Washington 2 years ago when Paulo received a job promotion. Their daughter, Lucia, who had been 14 at the time, was not too happy having to move away from friends but she had settled in reasonably well. _

"_Everyone loved her. I don't understand who would do this." _

_Mrs. Moretti broke down in tears again and her husband pulled her to him, running his hands up and down her back in soothing motions. Gillian watched as Cal stood and approached the couple, cringing inwardly at the thought of what scheme he was up to. _

_Well colour me surprised, she thought as she watched Cal sit on the other side of Mrs. Moretti and place a comforting hand on her shoulder. Wonders never cease. _

"So you just comforted them?"

Kate's interruption annoyed him but he let it slide for the time being. He really just wanted to get the story over and done with.

"They were grieving parents so I offered a comforting arm."

"And what happened next?"

"I would have told you if you let me continue."

Kate rolled her eyes and scoffed in an, all too Foster like, way. It unnerved him for a moment before he continued.

"Like I was saying..."

_Gillian continued to speak to the mother while Cal looked around the Moretti house. The hallway walls between living room and kitchen were covered with family photos, much like his own house. Photo after photo of the family smiling and happy lined the wall, finishing at the entrance to the kitchen with a photo of Lucia and a group of other teenage girls all dressed in blue and white uniforms._

"_That's Lucia's soccer team. She joined when we moved here, in an effort to make friends. She loved it and she has a real talent for it...__**had**__ a real talent."_

_Paulo had crept up behind Cal and picked the picture from the wall, his fingers brushing over the smiling face of his daughter. Not knowing exactly what to say but feeling uneasy with the ever growing uncomfortable silence around them, Cal said the first thing that came to his mind._

"_I used to play football when I was a kid. Wasn't any good at it though. I was fast but I had no skill whatsoever. Lucia's wearing the captain's armband. She must have been a great player." _

"_Her coach said she had the talent to go pro some day."_

_The wistful smile that the desolate father wore broke Cal's heart. He knew these parents had suffered enough heartache for one day and so turned and left Paulo staring at a picture of the daughter he would never see again._

_X_

_The drive to the next house was fought with tension, neither one of the car occupants wanting to address the proverbial elephant in the room. Gillian was the first to give in._

"_Is this about Emily?" _

_Cal knew he had a talent for hiding his expressions and his true feelings but the bluntness of her question caught him off guard. There was no way she missed the shock, or more importantly the shame, that darkened across his features. _

"_Leave it alone, Foster."_

"_Cal, these girls are the same age as your daughter and you know the details of how they died and what-"_

"_Gillian. Please. Let's not talk about it. We still have to deal with the next set of parents."_

_Gillian studied him for a few moments, her eyes raking across his face and seeing the barely concealed terror in his eyes. But for now she would let it go. Opening the file on her lap she began to read aloud the details of the next family they had to interview. Cal let the words wash over him, splitting his concentration between driving and the details Gillian was calling out, completely ignoring the battles his emotions were fighting inside. _

_The driving had taken up most of his attention, somehow finding comfort in the mundane tasks of left, right, brake, indicate, until eventually he found himself pulling up in front of a large yellow bricked house and Gillian reading the last lines of the report._

"_...Stephanie didn't come home that night so they rang the police. 3 days later they found her body, same cause of death; multiple stab wounds."_

"_Was she raped?"_

"_Yes, same as Lucia."_

_Reynolds had beaten them to the house and jumped out of his car to update them on the progress being made to find the third suspected victim. The deception experts nodded along as he gave them a detailed description of what they knew about the girl they had yet to recover._

"_I didn't get much from the parents. She got good grades, had a lot of friends, was involved in sports; typical teenage stuff." _

_Cal sighed but didn't let his anger at their lack of leads show, soon they were welcomed into the Holland household to quiz them about their murdered daughter. He let Gillian take control of this interview, choosing to keep himself in the background and observe from afar. In between watching the parents for signs of deception, he took a look around their house. It reminded him of the Moretti's house, which in turn led thoughts back to his own house. _

_A flash of blue in one picture caught his eye and Cal grabbed the frame from the wall as his brain worked to remember why he found this familiar. His eyes tracked the smiling girl from head to toe until suddenly the pieces clicked._

"_Did your daughter play football?"_

_Three pairs of surprised eyes focused on him when he interrupted the previous conversation. Mrs. Holland was the first to recover answering yes, her expression changing from surprise to confusion._

"_We never missed a game. She loved soccer and the way her face lit up as she played was magical. Her coach said she could even play professionally someday..." _

_She broke down as she reminisced about happier times with her child, the gut-wrenching sobs echoing around the room. Cal didn't offer support this time, instead he simply tilted his head towards the door in an invitation for Gillian and Reynolds to follow him. _

"_Both girls played football, not only that," he held up the photo in his hand, "they played for the same team. I saw a picture of Lucia Moretti in this exact same uniform."_

"_They may be wearing the same uniform, Cal, but there's 2 years between these girls. They wouldn't be on the same team." _

"_This could be the connection between the 3 girls. Reynolds, you said our missing girl played sports, what sport?"_

"_Soccer."_

_Cal scrunched his face in concentration. This was the link, he was sure of it. These 2 girls weren't on the same team but wore the same colours, this couldn't be just a coincidence. And was their missing girl playing on the same team? He replayed the conversations with both sets of parents in his head, trying to find the similarities._

"_Turn pro" he muttered._

"_Excuse me?"_

"_What?"_

_Gillian and Reynolds voiced their confusion at the same time as Cal darted back into the house, once more surprising the anguished parents. _

"_Who coached your daughter's team?" _

_When neither offered an answer he began to wave his hand impatiently between them in a 'hurry up' sort of way. _

"_Em...Clarkson. Aaron Clarkson. He teaches all the girls teams."_

"_All ages?"_

_The Holland's nodded and finally understanding dawned on the other two investigators. Reynolds grabbed his phone, yelling instructions about tracking this Clarkson down as Gillian led Cal out of the house by the arm, giving him a look that screamed 'talk to me'. But he didn't. Instead he stared at the ground and waited for Reynolds to finish his conversation, so they could find out where they were going next. _

"Why didn't you talk to her?"

"What? And stop interrupting my story!"

"No seriously, Lightman, your emotions were obviously getting the better of you and Dr. Foster was offering a helping hand of sorts. Why did you hold back?"

Cal shifted in his seat, trying to delay answering her question. The truth was; he didn't know why he wouldn't talk to Foster that day. The words were there on the tip of his tongue, all his apprehensions for Emily, the rage he felt that someone could do this to teenage girls, and most importantly his fear of one day being like those grieving parents he had just met. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Emily.

"I don't know why. I've been trying to figure that out."

Kate studied him from behind her glasses for a few minutes before jumping from the bed and grabbing a large book from a pile on the floor and began flicking through it until she found the passage she was looking for. She quickly scribbled something down into her notebook and threw the book back to floor, not bothering to glance at where it landed.

"Ok. So you can't explain why you suddenly clammed up and couldn't talk to your best friend, someone you've admitted understands you better than anyone and who, and I have seen this first hand, has stood by you through thick and thin."

Cal shook his head, suddenly ashamed at his inability to open up to the one person he wanted to the most. Instead here he was running away to talk to a 25 year old former employee who was still studying at college. Kate motioned to continue, the look in her eye suggesting this was the last interruption until he was finished.

_Reynolds had tracked down Clarkson's address quite easily and he hurried over towards where Gillian was trying to coax Cal into talking. _

"_We got an address for Aaron Clarkson. Guy has 2 previous arson convictions, he has to update the system with his most recent address. There's a team on the way over there now, you two joining?"_

_Cal didn't bother answering, just bolted towards the car, flinging the driver's door open and jumping in. Gillian did her best to keep up with him, barely managing to close her door before he took off, following Reynolds as he sped through the Washington streets. _

"_What's the name of the girl still missing?"_

"_We were supposed to meet with her parents soon. The Ryan family remember?"_

_Something flickered in her gaze. She fought hard to hide it but even when he was driving he caught sight of it. He felt his stomach drop as he asked his question again._

"_What is the missing girl's name?"_

"_...Emily."_

_She whispered the name but to him it bellowed loudly, bouncing off the windows in the car and assaulting his ears. Instinctively his foot pressed harder on the accelerator, increasing his speed enough to scare Gillian, her knuckles gripping the seat and leaving dents in the cushions. _

_Tyres screeched as they pulled up at Clarkson's house, sirens blaring around them as more police cars arrived simultaneously. Reynolds was yelling out orders that Cal didn't want to listen to. He barged past the collection of F.B.I and police officers, grasped the handled of the front door and pushed it open. Surprisingly it was unlocked. _

_His pace picked up as he ran through the house searching for their suspect or the missing girl, only vaguely aware of Reynolds and Gillian calling after him. A floorboard creaked above him causing him to sprint towards the staircase. Taking the stairs two at a time he reached the top just as a blur dashed past him, almost knocking him back down the stairs. _

"_Reynolds, he's coming your way!" _

_He didn't chase him. His thoughts focused on one person only; Emily. Blood drops lined the hallway from where the blur had come from, highlighting a path to a small room with the door ajar. As Cal pushed the door further open the amount of blood increased, pooling at his feet. _

_He stared into the lifeless eyes of 16 year old Emily Ryan. Collapsing to his knees he realised he had been too late. He could still smell her faint perfume lingering in the air. Hands shaking, he reached forward to close her eyes before rising to his feet and waiting for someone to come upstairs and find him, ignoring the blood staining through his clothes._

"_Cal? Cal are you up here?" _

_Gillian called out to him but his voice was lost. He could only stand and wait for her to find them._

"_Cal-"_

_Her voice caught in her throat as she spotted the teenager slumped on the floor, blood gathering from the multiple stab wounds to her abdomen. Cal dodged past her, careful not to brush against her and stain her with the blood currently marking his own attire. Air wasn't reaching his lungs and he struggled to breathe as he bolted from the house, just in time to see Reynolds cuff Clarkson. _

_The blood on his clothes began to burn his skin, almost as hot as the rage that burned deep within him. He had fought so long to control it, fought to contain these strong emotions, fought to separate his professional and his personal feelings. It was to no avail as he found himself striding towards the handcuffed man and punching him with as much force as he could muster._

"DR. LIGHTMAN!"

Cal blinked, registering the sound of Kate's anguished cry at the same time he registered the sight of his fist planted firmly in her bedroom wall.

"Oh crap, Kate, I'm so sorry."

She scrambled over to him, gently prying his hand out of the wall and checking to see if he was ok. Cal couldn't believe what had happened. The memory had been so vivid; his hatred for a man he had only ever seen once had just inspired him to punch a wall. He couldn't help it, he started to laugh.

Kate glared at him as she smoothed a hand down her now fractured wall, obviously trying to choose her next words carefully.

"Good news is I know what's wrong with you."

Maybe not choosing them as carefully as he had first thought. He aimed a skeptical glare her way, trying to convey his amusement through a stare.

"Dr. Lightman, it was building up from the start. These girls were the same age as your daughter; that was the first thing that freaked you out. Next, you come into contact with the grieving parents; you immediately put yourself in their shoes, you imagine what it would be like if this were Emily.

So now you're thinking as a grieving father, not as the investigative deception expert you are hired to be. That grief built up inside of you. The one chance you had was that this missing girl was still alive. The girl that was the same age as your daughter and had the same name as your daughter.

When you found her, something inside just snapped. It closed off everything you were feeling until you re-told your story here to me and put a hole in my wall."

She sat back on her bed and crossed her arms, offering him a dazzling smile that never reached her eyes. She was holding something back.

"Out with it Ms. Alexander!"

"Really Lightman, you just damaged my property. One emotional breakdown is enough for today. Do you have Emily tonight?"

"Ya, I'm picking her up after this."

"Great. Have dinner with her, watch a crappy movie on tv and go to bed. That's it. Spend time with your daughter and forget about this case for a while. She's safe, Lightman. Your daughter is safe. OK?"

"Your too much like Foster, you know that."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

He laughed as he left her room, throwing one more glance back to the wall suffering the damage from his earlier rage. His phone began to shrill in his pocket and he smiled as his daughter's picture flashed on the screen.

"Hey Em...Ya, I'll be there in a few minutes...Yes of course I'm cooking...I heard that, missy...alright, I see you soon...love you too."

For the first time in days it didn't hurt to breathe, the air flowed freely as he released the tension he'd been carrying for so long. She was safe.

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**Please review. Let me know if you're bored or like what I've done! Thanks guys!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to everyone for the awesome reviews and thank you to glouton-mana and kitkatbarxp because I couldn't message them back :D**

**Thanks to everyone who's still reading this! Now starts the Callian I promised everyone - and any mention of a boyfriend for Gillian has nothing to do with David Burns so no spoilers there!**

**Disc: I don't own this characters!**

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Cal took the long route to the break room, making sure he passed Gillian's office on both trips. She was busy at her desk, hair falling to cover her face every time she wrote something on a file. Kate's words had played over and over in his head:

"_So you can't explain why you suddenly clammed up and_

_couldn't talk to your best friend, someone you've _

_admitted understands you better than anyone, and_

_who has stood by you through thick and thin."_

Why couldn't he open up to Gillian? She had been there for him through some of the hardest and darkest days in his life and she still stood by him. And he repaid that loyalty by pushing her away when he needed her most.

He watched as she curled a piece of hair absentmindedly around her finger, the rhythmic circles she was drawing in the air hypnotising him. Her hair had gotten longer since her divorce and he often found himself wondering what it would be like to run his fingers through her silky mane.

Shaking those thoughts from his mind he raised his fist and tapped on the glass, heart fluttering as she smiled up at him. He nodded his head towards his office and tapped his watch in a silent invitation. Before the Clarkson case they had taken to eating lunch in his office, not talking about work but simply enjoying each other's company. He had missed that lately.

He was already digging into a particularly bland sandwich when she joined him carrying only a pudding cup. She exuded elegance as she sauntered into the office and gently lowered herself into the chair facing him.

"That's not much of a lunch. It's a wonder you have such a great figure."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise at his statement and she didn't even try to hide her smirk. Instead of replying with another sly remark, she simply dunked her spoon into the pudding and licked it clean in the most sensual way, leaving Cal breathless as he gazed at her.

Their eyes locked as she cleaned the spoon for a second time and took a deep breath. Oh God, Cal thought, I know that look, that's a 'We need to have a talk' look. Crap, he just wanted lunch with his friend and talk about silly things; he wasn't ready for a full blown heart to heart.

"Cal-"

"Lightman-"

Reynolds interruption couldn't have been timed better. Of course the look on Gillian's face let him know she was about to hit Reynolds.

"Sorry for the interruption but I just heard back from the prosecutor on the Clarkson case. They need you to testify."

A sudden chill sheathed the room, sending a shiver through Cal. He was aware of Reynolds and Gillian looking at him to watch his reaction but he couldn't even try to hide his emotions behind a mask.

"Cal, are you ok?"

"Why do they need me?"

He deliberately ignored her question, choosing instead to focus on why in the world they needed him to testify, when surely they had more than enough evidence to get a conviction.

"Apparently Clarkson managed to snag himself a pretty good lawyer, their defence is looking incredibly strong right now so we need to cover all our bases. Your expert testimony could really help us out."

"He ran from the room covered in a dead teenager's blood and _my_ _expert testimony_ is needed to assure this sick-o goes to jail?"

"Don't shoot the messenger, Lightman, I'm just letting you know we still need you on this. Maybe you could get Loker and Torres to do some witness prep and jury watch?"

"We'll get right on it, Ben."

Cal watched silently as Gillian answered for him, effectively dismissing the F.B.I agent. Where was the feeling of dread? Where was the astonishing pain that had wrenched at his heart and made him gasp for air the last time he heard Clarkson's name.

Aside from the chill that had sent a shiver through him when Reynolds had first broke the news, he now sat there feeling fine. Not delighted to hear that name again, but not as bad a reaction as he had been having.

"Cal? Cal? Are you ok?"

He looked up to see Gillian hovering over him, nervously catching her lower lip between her teeth as her gaze wandered over his features. Even as Gillian watched him, Kate's words echoed in his mind once more.

"_She's safe. Your daughter is safe"_

Gillian's concerned face quickly transformed into one of confusion as Cal stood, breaking into a genuinely joyful grin and gathering her in a crushing embrace. He burrowed into her soft hair, inhaling the flowery, sweet scent almost like it was an oxygen source to him.

For her part Gillian immediately reciprocated the embrace, wrapping her arms around Cal's neck and tugging him closer. Her lips rested against his cheek, burning his skin so badly he was sure they would leave a permanent scar.

Placing feather light kisses to her cheek, he stepped back from the embrace, almost immediately. The most adorable blush crept onto her face, deepening hues beginning at the spot where his lips had been just moments ago.

"I'm fine, Gillian."

"I'm glad."

She paused for a second, as if contemplating whether or not to say what was on her mind. He watched the muscles in her neck tense; fear.

"Do you want to have dinner tonight, Cal?"

She avoided eye contact until she had finished speaking. Finally meeting his gaze he was surprised to see how vulnerable she looked. Where was his head strong and sure of herself Foster?

At least she had only asked him to dinner, he was afraid after their moment a while ago that she wanted to have a more serious talk about their relationship. There was a definite shift in the structure of their friendship as of late and sooner or later they were going to have to address it. He was hoping for later.

"I can't do tonight, luv."

He tried to ignore the flash of disappointment that darkened across her pretty face, instead focused on the pride he felt at how quickly she schooled those features back into a neutral expression.

"Do you have Emily tonight?"

"Nah, she's at her mums tonight. I actually decided to take your advice. You said I should to talk about what happened in the case, that I needed someone to talk to, so I'm seeing someone. That's why I can't go tonight."

This time she couldn't control her mask and he monitored every flicker of emotion that she displayed. Confusion; disappointment; embarrassment; and the two that confused him the most; sadness and hurt.

Why was she sad that he was finally talking to someone? It was obviously working, given that he didn't completely break down once Reynolds delivered the news about testifying. Suddenly she was increasing the gap between them, stepping backwards towards the door of the office as she struggled to find something to say.

"I...I'm...I'm happy for you, Cal. I hope she helps you get through this."

With that she turned on her heel and briskly made her way out of the office, her half eaten pudding still sitting on his desk. A jumble of perplexing questions floated around in his mind. Why the sudden exit? Why the display of hurt emotions? And, how did Gillian know the person helping him with his psychological problems was a woman?

X

"...and then she just ran out of the room! I just don't understand women."

"No, you most certainly do not."

Kate smirked as she spoke, causing Cal's scowl to deepen. His confusion after Gillian's actions earlier had manifested itself in one of the worst headaches of his life and having this twenty-something smart ass practically laughing at him was not helping it.

"I'm trying to tell a story here, if you don't mind."

"Oh I'm terribly sorry, Dr. Lightman, please excuse my impertinent interruption. Do continue."

Alright now she was just openly mocking him. He remained quiet, trying to gather his thoughts before continuing, afraid of more embarrassment at the hands of the petite girl in front of him.

"Enlighten me. What do I not understand about women?"

"Oh God, Dr. Lightman, I think it'd be quicker if we list the things you do understand. I do hope to leave this room to graduate at some point in the near future."

"You won't get out of this room if you keep up the comedian routine."

"Alright, alright. I'll stop with the jokes. Unless it's a really good one, deal?"

"Deal. Now tell me why I hurt my best friend's feelings?"

"How has Dr. Foster been since this case? How did it affect her?"

How had Foster been dealing with it? What did Foster have to be dealing with? He was the one who put his own emotions for his daughter into the case, he was the one who found the dead girl staring blankly back at him, he was the one who was going to have to relive all of that at the trial soon.

"I don't understand. Foster's fine. I was the one who got too emotionally involved, what would Foster need to be dealing with?"

Kate shook her head, some of her wayward locks freeing themselves from her ponytail and drooping over her glasses. How could she see anything with a curtain of raven hair blocking her view?

"Sometimes I don't know why she sticks up for you so much. So you think you were the only one who had to deal with anything bad? Well, based on what you've told me, Dr. Foster didn't have it great during the case either.

She had to watch her best friend slowly lose control of himself the deeper he got in the case. She had to try to reach out to the aforementioned best friend only to have him distance himself further. She had to deal with a case that disgusted her. She probably thought a lot about Emily during the case as well, being that they are so close. And she was left alone in a room with a dead teenage girl after you ran away from her.

All in all, Dr. Lightman, I'd say she could use someone to talk to just as much as you do."

Kate finished her tirade against him by slamming her notebook shut, sending her pen skittering across the floor to the other side of the room. He couldn't think of a single time he'd seen her this angry. Or angry at all, come to think of it.

"I'm a horrible friend, aren't I?"

At his words she softened again, her image returning to that of a Kate he recognised. She stood in front of him and rested a hand on his shoulder, squeezing to make him look up at her.

"You're not a terrible friend. Dr. Foster is just your blind spot and, more often than not, she's the one person that's there for you. You're used to her being the strong willed and determined person she's always been but sometimes you've got to be the one who's there for her, ok?"

"She broke up with someone recently. First guy she dated since the divorce. A teacher, I think his name was Steve or Kevin or something like that."

"Those names aren't right at all."

"I took her out drinking after, told her to forget about him. Maybe I should have just let her talk to me. She doesn't have that many friends that would just listen to her problems."

"And he wasn't a teacher, he worked in a bank."

"Is this "Who knows more about Foster's ex-boyfriends" or is this you helping me?"

She punched him playfully where her hand had been resting but she was stronger than she looked. He tried not to wince, just quickly rubbed soothing circles on the sore spot when she turned her back to him.

"You pretty much just figured out what you need to do. Talk to Dr. Foster a bit more. Ask her how she is after everything, her answers could surprise you."

"You're giving me homework now?"

"Yep. Call it punishment for not paying for these sessions. Now, I've an assignment due in a few days so I need to hit the library."

"I hope it doesn't hit back."

He began laughing at his own joke, laughter quickly subsiding when he noticed the blank stare Kate gave him.

"That was lame, Lightman. Another bit of homework, work on your comedy a bit more."

She was now ushering him out the door, quickly following him and locking it behind her. Waving goodbye she darted in the other direction, the tower of books she was carrying, threatening to overspill.

Right, Cal thought, time to start on that homework.

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